twisted hand in soft kid glove

 

 

 

 

 

[ this is for Us..shinxbeany 2005-2006, and still loving]

 

no chains on you baby,

no chains anywhere but on me 

no thorns bound around you baby,

'cause they're bound around me

no hatred in me baby,

all i've got is love

but i guess it ain't enough.

 

______________________________________________

 

you say i've bound you but i've never held you back

you say i've leashed you but i've never forced what you lack

you tell me i've abused you but the bruises are on me

you say that i have used you but the used one is just me

 

...

 

i want to fly but i can't leave you

i want you to come fly with me too

isn't that what you wanted before,

to fly with me to nevermore?

so baby let's go

leave it all behind

leave behind your hate and leave behind the sadness

take only our love, take only this sane madness

Beloved, take my hand

though bruised by your own

Beloved, hold on

hold on

hold on 

______________________________________________

 

here and now, Beloved,

We are Alive

i am not your enemy

these arms are not here to hurt you

these lips are not here to kill you

i am She Who Loves

and there are no chains on you

i am Yours and this is true

so let go this lover's blue

 

...

 

do you remember our wedding vow, the one we wrote ourselves?

"thus it has been said, thus it shall be" 

 

oh baby don't forget

darling please don't fret

you've wounded me inside but i never left

you've bruised me outside but still you are not bereft

 

Beloved, i am here..

and i am yours alone.

there are no chains, no thorns, no painfully burning flames.. 

there is only Us.

there is only Love.

 

...

 no chains on this fragile tuesday

no thorns round our bleeding hearts

no hate in this broken flesh

our love is still the best.

 

______________________________________________

 

"though my soul shall set in sadness i will rise in perfect light

i have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"

 

______________________________________________

 

fin

 

 

why am i still putting up with this? 

 

---

if i am the queen of swords, you are the one king..so let me strike my blade against the tyranny that is you.

 

SCROLL DOWN PLEASE...stupid tabulas changes...just when my journal was already so perfect...damn it...now there's a giant empty space and it's taking up-what else?- space.

*HUGS* TOTAL! give graveyard_kitten more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own

 

 >>>>> .-:: I WILL BE UPDATING MY PAGE AS SOON AS MY NEW LAYOUT IS FINISHED (oh, lazy me...) SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME ::-. <<<<<

 

merci, mon frere.

 

until the new beginning.

 

written 12:06 AM// June 12, 2005 // Sunday

[ station ]

In your surreal desertion, wherein I did not even deign to return your farewell, my insides jostled obscenely; I feel mangled, gouged, yet incredulously contemptuous. I am the word SHATTER, yet all there is is but a dent in my heart; cream, I am, creamed, melted from a sardonic paranoid steely egg into an impossibly soft foamy mass, so different from this flesh whence come all these emotions. I feel like the word RELISH; a creeping stain, a slow yet impudent ooze, a rather vulgar phosphorescent blur slightly in the line of your peripheral vision eating up the floor without even stepping away from this single tile. Impersonal, lurid, I lurch glibly towards lush hysteria as I cradle the last vestige of my mutilated dismay (that I feigned innocence of) to spare you being bestowed it as a parting gift.

All of a sudden I stumble on my unnatural goal, and I feel a frivolous urge to weep, break, explode; the leash called Shame is the only thing that keeps me from mutating into a swashbuckling blitzkrieg, followed by a sheer surge of toxic lassitude.

Of my own volition I loosen slightly; my eyes gleam strangely in the fluorescent light, then glisten fully with liquid glass. I have been claimed by inertia; here I stand (or, more accurately, wobble), trapped in a futile attempt to betray myself, wantonly recalling the unreal hush and the mad rush of pain as you said goodbye. With a hefty amount of vertigo I begin to wonder whether all those wild jabs inside left scars—then I remember that there was only the infinitesimal dent like a crease on silk, marring almost none of the sheen. I mourn, as unfeelingly yet onomatopoeic as possible, for this inimicably disastrous crossfire of thought and emotion ripping my sanity to shreds and causing a repetitive metallic clang to echo in my ears.

Brutal, this love; what a travesty. We are utterly lacking in pizzazz, in glitz, like a tawdry whimper lurking in the shadows. Oh, how to purge this from my system, how to rid myself of this sordid bathos? Passersby gawk, I realize with a jolt that I must look stupid; but then again I am. Archaic, the feeling of the moment—does anyone feel this word this way anymore? To be a kamikaze pilot, what luxury; to speed through the skies then tilt and whizz down to the final liberating thud below.

Sudden silence; then again oblivion is what I crave. In the distance I hear the train rushing into the station, so fast and already too close for something so full of weight; with a sinking feeling I realize that I cannot stand the whooshing noise—why must it sound so? As I try to ignore the sound of the slipstream blackness seeps into my vision; the train hurtles into the station and in this final moment of consciousness the tracks tilt dangerously close and the rain pervades the strangely shrill lull like a talisman of obsolete synthesis.

~ copyrighted. please do not steal works, especially now that i'm losing touch with myself. i rarely get to write anything with sense. sigh. -_-' 

 

funny, this; i bleed so much for another, and here you are asking me to stop and try to love you.

 

 you?! you are too beautiful, way more beautiful than he will ever be. whenever i look at you, i think of angels and how strange it is that you look like one. it's funny that the way you look makes people stare; male and female alike are drawn to your beauty. i have seen only two people like this, one female and one male--and their beauty does not compare with yours. for a male, you are positively--well, positively NOT. you're too pretty.

 

what is it you see in me? how can you say such things, how can you say you empathize with my agony for one who will never understand it? how can you say you love me?

 

jin.

 

you are too beautiful to be true, too beautiful to be saying things like that.

 

you belong in the heavens.

 

and in the heavens i have no place.